Dumb Ass Missouri Driver post #1 – 08.26.09

Apparently me and the blogging thing are gonna take some time to get used to each other. The mass of dumbass drivers this morning was painful, yet unlike I usually do, I forgot to take pictures. So, in light of my epic fail as a day blogger, I figured I’d just throw up one of my normal dumbass driver rants.

Trucks. I hate them. I hate truck drivers. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate people who drive trucks. I hate “truck drivers”. Not 18-wheelers, as much as a lot of them are dumb, I usually find them to still be smarter than the average S10 or worse Ford F1billion50 drivers. Why? Simple math, really. I drive a tiny tiny car. Itty bitty. I make it go fast on quite a large amount of occasions. Apparently I also have that rare skill to look around before I change lanes, etc. Apparently some people not only can’t do the math to realize that a much larger car moving at the same speed requires a LOT more looking around and a LOT more space to maneuver.

Now, my car is ridiculously low to the ground and has tiny windows, so sometimes when I look around, I have to spend a little extra time doing it to make sure I see everything. At 90mph its kinda necessary to take a little time and be careful. Nice thing about my car is it IS tiny. I can whip it around corners and in between traffic holes like a mad man with no worry of causing any damage.

If your vehicle weighs more than three of my cars and is more than twice as long do NOT DRIVE LIKE ITS THE SIZE OF MY CAR. I know your vehicle is bigger. That’s awesome. I suppose. If you need to compensate for something. But that does NOT give you more ownership of the road than me! You can NOT fly through a 21 foot traffic hole at 90mph with a 40 foot long truck.

Also, for the record, when you drive by smaller cars on the highway in snow and ice going 80mph, I don’t care if you think your 4wd makes you snowinvincible, you are a dick. 4wd makes it easier to navigate snow and off-road terrain it’s true. But that’s for normal driving. Not for dumbass punkfucks that thing hydroplaning into other objects is fun.

If its raining, 90% of the time you think you can get away with having your lights off. Note to self: because you drive a truck does NOT automatically make your senses keener, your eyesight better, your ability to stop a massive amount of moving steel any better. USE YOUR GODDAMN LIGHTS.

And just one last, tiny thing. I have a 145HP 4-cylinder in my little Toyota. If for some reason you get this idea that you want to RACE me off a stop light, for the record, you are just fucking stupid. That’s like pulling a harley up next to a TRICYCLE and revving the engine. However if you’re driving an S10 and think you’re all that and a bucket of beer, just remember, I feel BAD when I beat you. Because that just means you suck.

If you are one of those “one of my lugnuts requires more torque to put on than your car produces” kinda guys, I can appreciate the humour. You’re still generally a dick.

If you’re a truck driver, don’t be. Be someone that drives a truck. Stop the stereotype. Be a pal. Also, give me free food.

Peace,
Cloud

~ by adiaphorondaseinsanalysis on August 26, 2009.